cAPSLOCKKILLS

          Suddenly, capslock needed to go to the great sepia-toned outdoors! But then we remembered that we were in the middle of DC. But don’t worry, we found camping accessible by metro! And a cab. We ventured into the campground/trailerpark/meth forest decked in plaid and hauling banjos, harmonicas and veggie dogs. We forgot sleeping bags, but luckily we had a lot of bourbon and beer. Then we tried to put up the rain fly as a tent. It was dark!

So we left the headlights on to scare the ticks and chiggers, locked the keys in the car, and had to be rescued by AAA. We woke up covered in scratches and with a mysterious amount of firewood. Our morning alarm was the park rangers screaming “EVERYONE UP!!!” and Mr. Policeman, who said, “Come hither kids.” We had a nice little chat about our shared freshman party dorm and were escorted on our merry way. And then we stopped in suburbia for Denny’s, and found Old Navy, where we bought skull and cross-bone water bottles. You may now insert scratchy Old Crow Medicine Show record.